dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
