i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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