You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
