And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
