White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
