when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize