I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
