Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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