I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
