You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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