Dual....:-)
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
