I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
