So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
