i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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