I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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