the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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