We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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