Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
