Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
