I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
