Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
