porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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