I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
