If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
