whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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