my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Congratulations! We have a period
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
