As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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