I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
