Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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