i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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