Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
