My nipple is on Facebook.
"it" just moved
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
