Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
