butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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