six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
