I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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