I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
