Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
