How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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