i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
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