I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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