I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
