Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My dick has a subreddit
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
