I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
