i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
