I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
