And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
