Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
