Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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