She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
