I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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