Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just googled if crying burns calories
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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