i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
