ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
