Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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