Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
