Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
