just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
