We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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