Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
