Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
