I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
