if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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