I just made out with a guy for $7.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Randomize
