is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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