I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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