so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
