No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think weed is turning my hair brown
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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