We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
