i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
