I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
