Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize