I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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