they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
