I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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