Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
